Lanny, you ARE the father!!!! (and other cool stuff)

It has come to our attention today that the ongoing paternity test to discover the identity of Youppi has indeed yielded a positive test result. It is, in fact, none other than best selling author and all-time hockey great Lanny McDonald. Mr.McDonald declined comment. Youppi was the Montreal Expos mascot from 1979-2004 when the team moved to DC to become the "Natinals". He was also the first mascot ever ejected from a game, at the insistence of Tommy Lasorda, the portly L.A. Dodger manager. Personally, I am not a big mascot fan and think most are stupid like the Stanford "Tree". In fact the only ones that are pretty cool, besides Youppi, are the San Diego Chicken, Bernie Brewer, The Racing Sausages and Albert. An honorable mention goes to the Mariner Moose, just for this. (FF to the 1:11 mark)

And now, THE RANDOMNESS:

Here are some Damn Cool Pics from the set of Star Wars. I especially like Chewbacca's Owen Mills family portrait.

The World Cup is coming to a close with Germany versus Uruguay for the 3rd spot and Spain and Netherlands meeting for the Cup. Who will win? Only the Nostradamus of picking soccer knows.

So, who all hates LeBron now? The cities New York, Cleveland, Chicago and the state of New Jersey. Cavs owner Dan Gilbert has some strong opinions, but interestingly enough so does Mo Williams. Oh, count me in for the "LeBum HateFest 2010" too. Not because I care about the NBA, but because he held us all hostage for his "Decision" special on ESPN. It's all every single news outlet, not to mention the sports, could talk about for hours on end. I was reduced to watching the Rangers vs Baltimore snooze fest to escape.

"PREDATORS" opened this weekend. In homage to the original classic, here are the 20 best lines from "Predator".

20) "You're a ugly motherfucker."

19) "You lose it here, you're in a world of hurt."

18) What's this fucking tie business?""

17) "I'm gonna' cut your name right into him."

16) "We. Hit. Nothing."

15) "That's a bullshit psyche job. There's two or three men out there at the most. Fuckin' lizard."
14) "Son of a bitch is dug in like a Alabama tick.""

13) "We're all gonna' die."

12) "Come on! Do it! Do it! Come on. Come on! Kill me! I'm here! Kill me! I'm here! Kill me! Come on! Kill me! I'm here! Come on! Do it now! Kill me!"

11) "This shit makes Cambodia look like Kansas."

10) "If it bleeds, we can kill it."

9) "Jesus, you killed a pig… Think you coulda' found something bigger?"

8) "You got time to duck?"

7) "I ain't got time to bleed."

6) "You're ghostin' us, motherfucker.""

5) "Maybe you better put her on a leash, agent-man."

4) "Come on in, you fuckers. Old Painless is waitin'."

3) "Buncha' slack-jawed faggots around here. This stuff will make you a god damned sexual Tyrannosaurus, just like me.""

2) "Billy! The other day I went to my girlfriend… I said, 'You know I'd like a little pussy.' She said, 'Me too, mine's as big as a house!'"

1) "Get to da' chaaaaaappaaaaaahhhhh!""

The Awesome, The Stupid and The Rupee

THE AWESOME

In anticipation of the upcoming TRON event, I've decided I want a
Light cycle for my birthday. I know what you're thinking. "OH HELLZ YES!!!! I WOULD BUY YOU ONE OF THOSE M-Fers IN LIKE 2 SECONDS IF I ONLY KNOW WHERE TO FIND ONE." Well, let me save you some time, dear friends. It just so happens I know where to get a
fully functional and street legal light cycle all for the low, low price of $35,000.
Are you kidding me?
If you get me this, consider us BFFs till the day you or I die, then in heaven (unless you go to Hell) too. Also, to this magnanimous person, I will let you ride it once as a show of my appreciation AND give you a personalized, signed glossy 8"x10" of me flexing or something for your enjoyment. Mom? Dad? Remember that Christmas where the only thing I wanted was a real, live 1977 Pontiac "Firebird" Special Edition Trans-AM just like the one from "The Smokey and the Bandit" that I didn't get that year? Remember the disappointment? Remember when I wanted the
Ferrari 308 GTS from Magnum, PI for my birthday that year? Remember you said "maybe"? Remember how I didn't get it, and you said it was because I made all Cs and Ds on my report card? Well, now you can make it up to me, and we can finally let bygones be bygones. What do you say?

THE STUPID

Okay, so the latest instalment of Twilight hit the theatres over the last week, and I still can't figure out what's the deal...
I understand the the whole "Vampire" thing is hot right now. You've got this, that show True Blood, Larry King Alive!!!, etc. etc... However, the thing is, about as much as I can figure it, this is a story about a teenage girl in heat torn between a vampire or a werewolf. Nobody gets naked or scores and they just mope around in the woods (in the daytime, I might add) talking about how they "crossed oceans of time lookin' for you" and stuff. What is the deal? And if they are like over a hundred years old and she is 17, isn't that some pederast shit? That's what teen aged girls are into? 109 year old high school students? However, it isn't just the teenybopper girls and "metro sexual menz" that are all into it. Check out this report by Yahoo about middle aged housewives who are all obsessed and addicted to this horseshit. Apparently, it is ripping households apart at the seems at an alarming rate. AND it is not just the women getting off on this stuff. Apparently there are dudes too!
Personally, if my wife became fanatical about something as stupid as this and it threatened my marriage, I would actually RUN to the divorce hearing. Forget this silly movie crap, okay? Listen bitches, the only vampire you need is Count Chocula...

THE RUPEE

India is seeking to come up with an international symbol on par with the Dollar, the Pound and The Euro for it's currency, the Rupee.(not to be confused with Rupees)
This is an ambitious project for a currency that is currently worth nothing. High hopes?
There are several new designs and I am personally pulling for #1, because it looks like the "Staff of Ra" from Raiders of the Lost Ark...

The Oil Spill, World Cup and The Death Of The East Village

First, just let me say this: As a newly minted fan of international soccer, I am not exactly familiar with all the rules of the game yet, but I know that FIFA has got to have the sorriest bunch of refs ever. ( My apologies to the SEC football refs)

At first I just thought it might be the USA that was getting jobbed over politics, but now I am sure it is a much larger problem. FIFA is scared of technology. Seriously. We have cameras on every player, official, and in each net. Not to mention the (count 'em) FOUR cameras following that crack head Maradona around. So, why is it there is no replay? I understand I am an American and we expect everyone to play sports the way we do, correctly; but there should be some sort of review process for the goals (or the non-goals) the way we look at touchdowns. Is that too much to ask? And what's with the stoppage time? If a match is supposed to last 90 minutes, then stop it at 90 minutes. If one of those Ghanarhean actresses trips over his own feet, and you have to bring out the stretcher, stop the clock until he springs up as if healed by Jesus Christ Almighty Himself. I guess that sort of thing is up to the same Mr. Magoo-esque refs who can't tell if a ball goes into a net or not?

All and all, I have enjoyed it so far and will continue to watch it more regularly.
Guess I'll need to pick a club side to cheer...

Well, the oil continues to spew out of the pipe at an unabated pace. We have tried how many gimmicks to slow it down now? 20, 30? But haven't tried the one SURE way to get the well to quit putting out, put a ring on it's finger! OOOOHHHHH!!!! (too soon?)
Still, I am wondering WTF the people of the gulf are going to do for a living? Pretty much everything down there revolves around the ocean. Some of the best beaches anywhere (my beach!!) are getting ruined as you can see from this video.
I am also wondering where are all the Hollywood celebs? Where are the benefit concerts? Haiti, where an earthquake did $4 Billion dollars worth of improvements, got several A-List celebs and so-called artists not to mention former presidents and the Red Cross to pitch in to waste money. What does the Gulf get?
Jimmy Buffett and a bunch of no-name country singers. Maybe if the people of south Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and northwest Florida were poor black folks then they could get "An Enchanted Evening With George Clooney and Friends" too... Oh wait, they ARE poor AND a large percentage black. Where is Bill Clinton and his fund raising shake-down team? Where are the Red Cross hot-lines, the AT&T "Text your money away" things? (For the record, I donated to the Red Cross's Haiti crisis, the 2004 Tsunami crisis and the Chilean Earthquake crisis too) Are we just expecting the government to clean it up? Maybe BP? Good luck. Look how awesome we did in New Orleans after Katrina. I have decided to support them in the best way I know how. I will not put off my vacation plans and will still go down and spend my money in New Orleans and the beaches. Since the luminaries of stage and screen won't help, then it's up to us.

Probably coming soon to the East Village, the Unwanted Grope.
In what is now the the result of rampant and unchecked gentrification spiraling out of control for over 30 years; the East Village has now become a ridiculous hodge-podge of hipster wannabees, chrome and steel co-ops, over priced clothing and obnoxious frat boy bars catering to the B&T crowds. What a shame. Gone, or going extinct, are the Jewish family owned delis, the Ukrainian restaurants, the old Irish bars, the affordable (relatively) housing for first or second generation immigrants and blue collar folk who have embodied the neighborhood between Third Avenue and Avenue A, 14th and Houston Streets for more years than you could count. Instead you are going to get the cast of Jersey Shore
. Fucking gag! NYC needs the Lower East Side to balance out the Disneyland of Midtown now that "Hell's Kitchen" isn't so hellish anymore. NYC needs the punk scene, the immigrants and the riff raff as much as the Thomas Pink wearing Wall Street types. The homogenization of the city is alarming and unhealthy. Keep the Lower East Side same old LES. We need it.

World Cup Me Balls!!!

Chim-chimney, chim-chimney, chim-chim cheeroo, we got Tim Howard and he says "FUCK YOU"!!!!
I always liked that one, especially since he has Tourettes... So you know, he probably WOULD say that or something...
At any rate, I have spent more time watching this World Cup than I have since... uh, ever. I admit I am not a big soccer guy. Never played it, considered it sort of a poof sport played by a bunch of long hairs and Nancys, but I may be coming around. I still don't see what all the fuss is about really, but if it inspires the BEST NIKE AD EVER
then there must be something to it.

I tell you what I am NOT a fan of though.. Vuvuzelas.

I had no idea WTF a Vuvuzela was till last week. It is the new MOST OBNOXIOUS. sports thing ever.
What I don't get, I suppose is the insistence that this is some sort of "time honored" right of South African jackasses to blow this stupid horn all day and night. According to Michael Wilbon on yesterday's PTI "this is there thing they have always done, it's an South African thing", actually Wilbon couldn't be any more wrong. It's a Mexican originated thing that only became popular in South Africa in about 1992 or so. And yes, you can ban them. Mississippi State had to ban the cow bells
(thank GOD) and they were there a hell of a longer than the vuvuzelas. The Red Wings had to ban the octopus twirl because of PETA didn't like it. So don't act like it's the oldest, most sacred tradition ever in the history of the world and you can't tell fans how to act and celebrate. Cause they do. ALL the TIME. And I'm okay with that...

Outside of a bunch of slanted coverage from the Western media, and the perpetual love-in with all things Africa right now and the aforementioned horns, I really don't have any problems with it so far. In fact, I am considering becoming a fan. I love the party atmosphere, I love the fan devotion. I especially love how the British press, in typical complete knee jerk reaction, has thrown the goalie completely under the bus. I love the hysteria following each and every game. I love Nuts Magazine (NSFW) and Brazilian Playboy (NSFW!!!!). If this is how the rest of the world gets down for sports, count me in...

I WANT: Star Wars Geek Stuff

Okay, so I have been putting stuff up on my Facebook page for awhile now about all the badassed Star Wars stuff I see in links on different sites I go to. "Han Solo in Carbonite" soap, "Darth Vader" toaster, C-3PO Bespin Backpack and the "Space Slug" oven mitt.


But hold your horses, I just found THE most awesomenested item EVER!!!!!!

Your own Tauntaun sleeping bag!!! Everynight you can be Luke, getting tucked in by Han, to escape the bitter cold of Hoth. Having just escaped from your Wampa rug, all the while making jokes about how bad they smelled on the outside and what not..

Man!!! If they had only come out with this stuff when I was 6...

TAKE IT OFF BABY!!!!! Jupiter's gets sexy

In an obvious attempt to seduce Neptune, Jupiter lost it's bottoms to reveal a surprisingly featureless southern hemisphere. Read more HERE